The Day After

The day after Apheresis...

Sharon dropped me off at home after 4:00pm and did some shopping for dinner and drugs for me. She made a delicious deep dish pizza with prosciutto. With that and several glasses of wine in me I was done early! I went upstairs, took an Ativan and was quickly out. I do not remember Sharon coming to bed.

Today I am still experiencing a bit of bone pain from the Neupogen and Mozobil injections and discomfort from the incisions and tunneling for the catheter but am otherwise doing fine. It is rainy, dreary, and chilly outside so today will be spent indoors. This morning Sharon did her first Heparin flush of my catheter and it went well. I was probably more nervous than she was. I am just relieved that Monday and Tuesday are done and neither day was as bad as I had anticipated.

In 14 days I am admitted to the hospital and begin a new round of chemo.

This is my second bout with cancer. After my chemo for Hodgkins lymphoma in 2010 and the "all clear" I thought I was done with cancer. But then three years later getting told I now had indolent follicular lymphoma told me I would never be cancer free. Then this year with that indolent follicular lymphoma busting out into what I have now - diffuse large B-cell lymphoma. I find that I am jealous of other cancer "survivors" who claim to be in remission or cured and yet here I am continuing down the cancer path. My mother did the same thing through much of her life. I suppose we just have to struggle through. It is depressing and I don't like what I have to go through. Seven years ago I thought I would never have to go through chemo again, but now I have finished four cycles of R-CEOP and am looking at going through R-BEAM and then a stem cell transplant. Shit.

When I hear people say "it's not fair" I usually think "No one ever said life was fair." Now I'm thinking, "Damn, it is not fair." But then remind myself there were no guarantees.